Ever feel like your nursery team is stuck in a loop of trying to "fix" behaviour, only to find that nothing actually changes?
We have all been there. A child is biting, pushing, or disrupting a group, and the instinct is to immediately react to the action. It is exhausting, demoralising, and often ineffective. However, after years of working in nurseries, I have found that the most transformative shift we can make as leaders isn't found in a new policy document or a stricter sanctions list; it is found in our mindset.
It is time to move from an emotional reaction—the internal frustration of thinking, "The child just needs to stop!"—to an analytical approach.
When we stop viewing behaviour as something to be "managed" and start viewing it as a tool—a legitimate form of communication—the pressure to simply "make it stop" dissipates. Instead, we become investigators, looking for the why.
Decoding the Message: The Four Functions of Behaviour
Every challenging action is simply a child’s way of communicating a need. When we look past the surface, we usually find they are trying to achieve one of these four things:
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Escape: The child is trying to get away from a demand, a transition, or an environment that feels overwhelming. Are they lashing out because they are being asked to stop playing and move to the carpet for group time?
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Access: They are struggling to express that they want a specific toy, food, or area. Think of the child who pushes a peer simply because they want the truck that peer is holding.
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Attention: They are seeking a connection or a reaction from an adult or peer. Even negative attention is, to a child, a form of engagement. This might be the child who performs a "naughty" action just to get you to stop what you are doing and notice them.
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Sensory: They are seeking an experience that feels good or helps relieve physical discomfort. While this is often linked to neurodivergence, it also includes neurotypical toddlers who might be seeking movement or tactile feedback to regulate their bodies.
The Iceberg Principle
Think of the behaviour you see in your room as an iceberg. The biting, the hitting, or the screaming is just the tip—it is the only part visible above the water.
The real work—the pedagogical work—happens when we dive beneath the surface to understand the needs, feelings, and developmental gaps hiding underneath. When you address the root cause, the "problem" behaviour usually resolves itself naturally.
Moving Forward with Your Team
This shift in perspective is the foundational piece of my "Behaviour as Communication" training package. We work closely with teams to move them away from reactive management and toward evidence-based, compassionate pedagogical practice.
If your team is ready to move beyond the cycle of reaction and start truly supporting the children in your care, let’s talk about getting them the right tools.